Rejected, Part 2

I was rejected and I was devastated. Where to from there?

That was probably the most tumultuous time in my life. I was living with a guy who had been lying and cheating since the very beginning of the relationship. I had zero self-esteem, was probably pretty severely depressed, and looking back, I have realized that I knew that going overseas would end our relationship. It was the out I needed because I was so paralyzed by the fear of failure that I couldn't end the situation on my own.

But going to Japan was not just an excuse to get away. It was something that fit my interests perfectly. As I mentioned before, I had always been interested in Japan and I had studied teaching foreign/second languages. Perfect!

I don't really remember the time after receiving that letter very well. I do know that I decided I would get a working holiday visa and go over to Japan on my own. My partner at the time was seemingly supportive. He didn't want me to go without a job and I didn't really care. I found a job (at least I thought I had found one - I never actually heard the words "you're hired," but I went over anyway!) near one of my friends that was already living there and prepared to go over.

Sadly, this marked the end of my friendship with Sam. Up til this point, we had been very close. Inseparable. But in a crazy twist of fate, while I had failed the interview, Sam had done quite well and got into the program. Once I got over the initial sting, I was excited. She would go over with JET and I would find something near her - perfect! We'd have a grand time!

Sam had met someone though. It was an online romance and while it was still new and there was quite a distance involved, she did not want to end the relationship and decided not to accept the position. I was furious! I couldn't believe that she would give up such a wonderful opportunity for a guy that she barely even knew and I questioned her original commitment - what if I had gotten in? Would she have abandoned me?

Unfortunately, these were not internal musings. I wrote this all out to her in a letter and that was the end of the friendship. While I did feel that she was giving up a once (or twice) in a lifetime opportunity, I was too immature to realize that I was projecting my own disappointment with my relationship and rejection onto her. That was not fair. We've since regained contact, but our lives have diverged and we have never regained the same friendship.

This is turning out to be a long story. The ongoing saga will continue...