Rejected

On to another adventure? Or not? Who knows!

What craziness do I have up my sleeve?

About two weeks ago, I became obsessed. I cannot say what the trigger was, nor can I pinpoint exactly when the insanity began, but obsessed I have been. This is not a new obsession - it's been around since I was seven. Some might say that I've already had my chance and I've indulged enough in this particular obsession. Unfortunately, I disagree.

I want to move to Japan. Not necessarily forever. But for longer and with more immersion into daily life than a vacation will allow. I tried this almost exactly ten years ago. September 22, 2001, I left on a jet plane and part of me never came back again.

At that time, I had applied to the JET program, which is a program that brings foreigners to Japan to teach English, or other langauges, to children in the public school system. I was fresh out of university with high hopes. All of my hopes, in fact, were pinned on that one aspiration. It's a lengthy and involved application process. I had to write an essay and get references from professors and employers. I sailed through the first stage, no problem.

I had it all planned out. I applied with my closest friend at that time. We both got accepted to the first stage. We had taken Japanese classes together and we had quizzed our professor to ask what part of Japan got snow. That was our criteria - snow! We settled on putting Niigata as our first choice and that was all she wrote. Once we passed the first stage, there was the interview. This is where I failed. I was so nervous during that interview. It was all I wanted in the world. Sam and I were going to go together, and other friends from university were already there. It was going to be great. I had lessons planned and I knew that the Japanese government had a diet rather than a house of commons. Who knows that?

But, in a lesson that I still carry with me, I learned that when you want something so badly, you can be your own worst enemy. I failed that interview. The JET program was looking for people who were "genki" - lively, active, easy-going. I proved that I was none of those in my interview.

I remember the day I got my letter as if it were yesterday. A thin 3.5 x 8 envelope, clearly containing only one sheet of paper. Not the fat, brown envelope that I had read about others receiving in the forums that I was reading online. To say I was devastated is not exaggerating how I felt. I started crying when I opened the letter in the elevator and melted into a puddle of despair as soon as I closed the door to my apartment. I don't know how long I was there, but I remember the body-shuddering sobs. I had wanted it so bad and I had failed. The only thing that I wanted to do and I was stamped "REJECTED".

In my mind, at that time, Japan didn't want me.

To be continued...